When you are with a child or an adult, at some point you may be told, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to” or “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.” to hurt you.” And the child or person continues happily as if nothing had happened.
But if we didn’t mean it, why would we? Why would we dismiss our actions so easily with a casual comment? The underlying meaning of communication is its truth
When we hurt someone, why do we ease their pain by telling ourselves it wasn’t what we meant? It’s like the “I don’t know” response from a teenager, a cryptic comment meant to discourage further discovery. However, “I didn’t mean to do that” became so obvious that it was accepted as the truth.
Let’s look a little deeper.
Every action speaks louder and truer than our words. When our words don’t match our actions, it’s our actions that show our true motives. Famous words of the late Austrian psychiatrist Dr. Alfred Adler:
“Trust only movement. Life happens on the level of events, not words.”
The biggest causes of toxic behavior are unprocessed emotions, unconscious pain, and unmet needs. Perhaps “unintentionally” means that it was not caused by any conscious thought or motive. But when you look deeper, you often find hidden feelings and unmet needs that you haven’t yet recognized.
When we hurt others, we hurt ourselves. Unkind acts towards others can be an unconscious way of communicating our pain and sending out an SOS that we are hurt. It may have been a specific person.
Of course, hurtful words can inadvertently come to the side if you drink too much or if your self-control is wavering because you’ve lost your ability to control yourself cognitively due to your addiction.
But even in these situations, there are words that derive from the unresolved emotions and pain that emerge when impulse control is compromised.
In children, their ability to control themselves is affected by developmental immaturity and brain development. As such, it is the responsibility of adults to control their emotions and teach them how to express them in a healthy way.
My point here is to be more aware of your feelings and pay attention to your words, which can help you hurt or build healthy relationships.
Motivation for driving behavior
How many times has your spouse come home and yell at your children? Did they do it because they were mad at their children? Not normal. A difficult day at work or the emergence of unmet needs is far more likely to be the cause.
A child may come to school and push other children or teenagers around to bully them. Another student may be emotionally humiliated not because the person did something to them, but because of feelings of helplessness, misunderstood inner conflict, or unacknowledged hurt feelings. Unloving behavior does not make a person bad. It makes you human. Also, unkind behavior usually indicates a need for self-care and self-compassion.
In all personal growth and in all relationships, the key to loving ourselves and each other is recognizing the roots of our actions.
We continue to lash out, react emotionally, and inadvertently lash out at others until we realize the causes of our actions and their beliefs. To improve communication, we need emotional intelligence and self-awareness.
Sometimes we have bad days and need someone to understand us, even if we are misbehaving. It’s also important to be honest. It doesn’t matter what your feelings are. Taking our whims out on others is undesirable in any relationship. Increased confidence: mean what you say, say what you want to say
You may have heard this proverb. Great advice. Search your heart every time you hear yourself say, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.”
Is there any reason you could have intended it that way?
Have you experienced unintentionally repressed resentment because you were unable to express your feelings directly? Has this person recently ignored you or said something hurtful to you?
Or maybe it’s as simple as canceling a dinner date, even if there’s a good reason for it…how to recognize our inner motives and find what we need
A fundamental stepping stone to consciously loving and empathizing with others is identifying when you are unloved. If you do or say something unkind, ask yourself later. Be more honest with yourself. )
Next, find out what you need to do to restore your peaceful self-esteem. You may want to apologize, put on makeup, or talk to the person about what’s bothering you. Or maybe you just need to be more in touch with your emotions and empathize with yourself. Either way, act as soon as you feel what’s right.
Every time I go through this process, I feel inner peace and less and less anger towards others. Self-esteem grows every time you make a conscious effort to understand your true motives, rather than immediately dismissing your actions. And each time we take action to fix what is holding back intimacy in a relationship, more respect, intimacy and understanding are built.
The next time you hear yourself say, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to!” Dig a little deeper and find out if that’s true.