Rather than a pros and cons checklist, feelings can resolve relationship issues.
When making a decision about love, despite the value of a pros and cons checklist, and even the weighted average, feelings can often be the deciding factor. However, in the world of love, the person whom you think is your soulmate — because he or she appears to meet all criteria on your “must have” list –there may be a downside. If the perfect person happens to be married, that person should immediately move into the negative category.
Those playing with “married already” fire, probably anticipated negative consequences, but tended to bury them. However, if you were caught unaware, you risk being consumed by hate, which can impact your ability to love again.
“The results showed that people who shared similar values and interests with the target persons were more likely to experience stronger love. Additionally, stronger feelings of love were associated with greater hate after the relationship was broken. . . . . If one loves someone deeply and sometimes hates that person, the feeling of love may still be dominant in the context of betrayal. However, if one does not love that person, hate will be a much stronger feeling than love.”
What does this mean in terms of your own relationship? If you are feeling stressed, anxious or unsure of your relationship, the most important question to ask yourself is this: In my heart of hearts, do I believe that he or she is the one for me? To evaluate the answers try these exercises:
- Write out the five qualities about the other person that helped you to fall in love. Was it kindness, empathy, the ability to listen, generosity of spirit, honesty?
- Write down, and describe in detail, at least two experiences that brought the two of you joy.
- Write out your concerns from simple annoyances to self-destructive tendencies. If your partner annoys you because of sloppiness, that’s a workable issue. If you’re concerned about your partner’s alcohol or drug habit — that could push you over the edge. However, if you sense betrayal, that could be the deal-breaker.
After giving some thought to your answers, ask yourself if this person is “the one” or just the one for now? If your answer is “I’m not sure,” then be careful about promises or commitments. However, I often think of the words of the late Dr. Leo Buscaglia, author of Love. He said that if we are waiting for the one and only, we will wait forever.
“There is no right person. We become the right person!” Leo Buscaglia Quotes
Perhaps the two of you are going through a rough patch. As such, review what you love about the other person in your life. Make time to talk honestly about your differences or the stressors that are troubling you. Ask yourself what it is that is making you doubt the relationship. If the issues are relatively simple to fix, taking time together and talking honestly and calmly can bring about a thoughtful resolution.
The politics problem: Many relationships are hitting roadblocks today because of politics. Here are some tips on how to handle the situation from Seth J. Gillihan, Ph.D., Help — I’m in Love with a Trump Supporter in PsychologyToday.com. Gillihan is a clinical assistant professor of psychology in the Psychiatry Department at the University of Pennsylvania.
A therapy solution: However, if you are in a stuck place, it can be wise to see a therapist who can work with you on issues leading to a resolution of differences or peaceful ending of the relationship. A clean break with no recriminations can help clear the path to love again. Leaving when filled with anger or hate will deter you from finding a new love. A better option might be to make a sincere effort to find your way back to the day when you and your partner believed that you were both touched by the same star.
Woman Says She Accidentally Married her Cousin While Pregnant With his Baby
A Utah woman recently revealed that she accidentally married her cousin.
Marcella Hill is her 41-year-old business owner from Utah, USA. Recently, she posted a video on TikTok about her and her husband’s reality.
She said she and her husband were expecting a baby and searched the internet for baby names.
“I was sitting on the couch looking for names for the baby that we were about to have and I was on [genealogy site] FamilySearch,” she said in her now-viral TikTok video.
“I saw this line and it’s the same as mine. So I was like, ‘Oh, you’re still logged into my account,'” she added. It turns out that Grandpa is Grandma’s first cousin.”
The TikTok influencer said her grandfather was her husband’s grandmother’s cousin, making her third cousin of the two.
“I married my cousin by mistake,” Marcela said with a laugh in the video.
The couple also called their grandparents to confirm their suspicions, and it turned out they were right.
“Of course, certainly. They grew up together as children,” she said. “We (Marcella and her husband) are third cousins.”
Marcela also revealed that she and her husband won the “Nearest Relatives” award for her neighborhood activism.
She concluded the video by saying, “If I go to a family reunion, he can go to him at the same time.”
Marcella’s TikTok videos of hers have so far received over 937,000 views of her on the platform, with over 90,000 likes and her over 1,300 comments.
“Third cousin is no big deal. You’re good but hilarious,” one user commented on her video.
She wrote, “All right, Cousins 3. Grades,” she wrote second. “So, in a way, your baby is his own fourth cousin to her,” was her third comment.
“Don’t say you’re from Utah, just say you’re from Utah,” added another. “Why didn’t you notice at the wedding?” someone asked.
Marcella made another video to answer her last comment, stating:
“Wedding? What a wedding! We got married at the courthouse on Wednesday after work,” she told her followers.
“Let’s say there is our wedding and Grandpa and Grandma are there and it turns out that we are third cousins at the wedding. What do we do?” she asked rhetorically.
“Maybe that’s why we need a wedding,” she wrote in a comment. “Court on Wednesday? Sounds like a nice cousin,” he joked.
“If you had a wedding, it would have been like a fellowship,” added another.
Share Your Thoughts:
What are your thoughts on this woman’s story? Let us know in the comments.
Spark More Love in Your Marriage: Be Intentional with 3 Simple Actions
Love in a marriage is not always easy and it can change over time. It’s important to remember that maintaining love in a marriage requires ongoing effort and a commitment to making the relationship a priority. Love is a vital component of a successful marriage. In a loving marriage, partners feel a deep connection and affection for one another, and make a commitment to supporting and caring for each other
- Communicate effectively: Make sure to actively listen to your partner and express your own thoughts and feelings clearly. Set aside dedicated time for open and honest conversations.
- Show appreciation and affection: Take the time to show your partner that you care through small gestures of love and affection. This can be as simple as a compliment, a hug, or a thoughtful surprise.
- Make time for fun and shared interests: Make sure to schedule regular date nights and find activities that you both enjoy. This will help keep the spark alive and strengthen your bond.
A successful marriage is one in which both partners feel fulfilled and satisfied in their relationship. Key factors in a successful marriage include:
- Strong communication: Both partners should be able to effectively communicate their thoughts, feelings, and needs to one another.
- Trust and honesty: Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship, and honesty is crucial in building and maintaining that trust.
- Flexibility and adaptability: A successful marriage requires the ability to adapt to changes and challenges, and to be flexible in finding solutions.
- Shared values and goals: Having a shared sense of purpose and values can help couples navigate difficult times and stay united.
- Love and commitment: A successful marriage is built on a deep and enduring love, and a commitment to making the relationship work.
- Emotional and physical intimacy: A healthy emotional and physical intimacy helps to strengthen the bond between partners.
- Shared interests and activities: Having shared interests and engaging in activities together can help to keep the relationship strong and enjoyable.
What will happen to a marriage full of lies and deceit?
Marriage – the union of two souls, a beautiful yet challenging journey, one’s greatest strength and worst fear. Marriage can have one of her two effects in your life: happy or regretful. There are many good examples of happy marriages, but there are also many toxic examples of some of the worst marriages.
It depends a lot on how the two of you choose to relate to each other emotionally and physically. There are many important factors involved here. But one of the biggest problems in marriage is cheating. When deception comes in, faith goes away
Trust is the most important part of any relationship in life. Every friendship, every family relationship, every love is built on a solid foundation of trust. And when that bond of trust is damaged or broken, the emotional integrity held together by that same trust is shaken and broken in the process.
Cheating in a marriage destroys the marriage in many ways. Either or both partners may engage in deception, and once started, there is unfortunately no turning back. This article is intended for people who do not participate in deception and are only on the receiving end.
What to do if you are in a cheating marriage If you are in a deceitful marriage, we send you our sincere apologies. It is truly traumatic to give your partner all your time, attention, emotions, life, and plans for the future and be left with nothing.
But there is also a bright side to this dark story. This is not the end. It’s just the beginning. Humans are by nature designed to fix things, so the first thing you can do is see if you can fix things. The next and most important step is to thank life for showing you the truth and guard your heart.
Your emotions matter. It’s more important than you can imagine. And if they are reciprocated and unappreciated, you will be much better off without that toxic person.
You deserve the best
You deserve someone who understands you inside and out. We all need someone to be ourselves, to be weird, to be with, who never judges us or makes us feel weak.
Being in a toxic marriage doesn’t mean it’s the end for your future. Your future holds things you will never understand. Be grateful and walk away with emotional integrity.
Have you ever had an affair or a toxic marriage?