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I’m a serial long-distance dater. Here’s why I think you should try it

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In the taxi on the way back from the airport, my boyfriend and I were catching up on everything we had left out of our six months of texts and video chats. His hair was longer than I remembered, and he’d picked up an annoying habit of punctuating his sentences with “Yeah, man.” Still, I was in love and happy to be home. But then I mentioned that I’d just applied for an internship on the other side of the country. He laughed and rolled his eyes.

At the age of 25, I’ve spent half the duration of my serious relationships in a different city, or even country, than my significant other. This long-distance has been mostly unintentional; I moved interstate for college, spent a couple of semesters abroad, and have a flexible job that lets me travel a lot. My mom always told me to follow the piece of string wherever it leads. Somewhere along the way, cushioned by postcards, vacations, and “Good morning” texts, I realized that I quite liked being alone.

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As a woman who dates men, the eldest child of divorced parents, and a former nanny, it is both unusual and liberating to not have to constantly cater to someone else’s needs. When I’m geographically distant from my boyfriend, I go for runs and read books because there’s nothing else to do. I have the time to prioritize going after my career goals. I can stay late at work at the last minute and answer emails at all hours without it affecting anyone else.

Because my boyfriend isn’t always around, I have a solid group of female friends that I couldn’t live without. I’m still close to the same women who saw me through my first breakup, right after we graduated high school. We spend most of our time eating reheated Chinese food, resting on each other’s couches, and talking about the B&B we’ll run in Spain when we’re old.

“Somewhere along the way, cushioned by postcards, vacations, and “Good morning” texts, I realized that I quite liked being alone.”

Of course, the loneliness can get hard. I listen to a lot of podcasts and still feel awkward when eating out by myself. But I’ve been forced to become comfortable with my own company. I’ve learned what I’m really capable of achieving on my own. That is to say, everything—including orgasms.

When my boyfriend and I are in the same city for an extended period of time, it’s all too easy for me to fall into the pattern of cooking, cleaning, and generally doing way too much of the household’s mental and physical labor. This is partly his fault and partly mine, because I repeatedly choose the path of least resistance—and he lets me. We argue over who will make the bed or fold the laundry, he caves and admits that he isn’t pulling his weight, he tries for a couple of days, and then we start the cycle all over again.

Somehow, we’re still playing the roles that our parents and grandparents did when it comes to household chores—despite the fact that I work more than he does. We’re not alone. In 2017, the Bureau of Labor Statistics found that on an average day, 19 percent of men performed household tasks like cleaning and laundry, while 49 percent of women did. Throughout my whole life, I’ve been socialized to put my own needs last, and it’s a tough habit to break. (The stupid amount of Netflix we watch together also tends to get in the way of my self-care, but I can’t blame the patriarchy for that.)

It’s a given that a healthy long-distance relationship relies on solid communication. Even if we only see each other every couple of months, my boyfriend is always there for me through texting and social media. He balances out my tendency to be anxious and way too organized. He’s relaxed and spontaneous. Because we’ve spent so much time apart, we value our time together and make an effort to do nice things when we can, like going to the movies and cooking each other dinner.

“I don’t intend to live like this forever, and as I get older, I hope I can learn how to prioritize myself no matter who I’m with.”

Long-distance works for me because I’m direct. When something’s bothering me (or him), we talk about it. I make a conscious effort to ask my boyfriend how he feels about the relationship every couple of weeks, to make sure that we’re on the same page. We spend the holidays together and we talk on the phone four or five times a week. Even if it’s just ten minutes before bed, those conversations makes a huge difference in how connected I feel to him.

I crave safety and stability as much as the next woman who has spent any amount of time on dating apps. But, especially in my twenties, I feel like it’s essential to build a life on my own. That’s also why I choose to take trips alone and push the boundaries of my comfort zone at home. I can’t control when I fall in love or who I am attracted to, but I can set boundaries around my time. Or, I try to. The most effective way to do that seems to be to put an ocean in between myself and my significant other. For me, a long-distance relationship can be both fulfilling and freeing.

I don’t intend to live like this forever, and as I get older, I hope I can learn how to prioritize myself no matter who I’m with. I want to always be the kind of woman who leaves the dishes in the sink and goes to a museum, who spends hours making playlists to accompany the book she’s reading. Right now, I’m making the most of my self-imposed solitude by doing just that.

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Relationships

8 Reasons Why Strong Women Have Difficulty In Dating

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8 Reasons Why Strong Women Have Difficulty In Dating

There are many strong, independent people in the world who find it really hard to succeed in dating and relationships. You are incredibly smart, beautiful, talented, and ambitious. Yet they still struggle to find a good man to be with. They are the kind of women who can get the man they want. Is not. But why?

Well, you might think I’m just bragging and self-centered. You might think these strong women think too much of themselves. You may think that you don’t have time.

But oddly enough, it has very little to do with these things. And these strong women certainly aren’t afraid to get their hearts broken by terrible men in toxic relationships. They hate being hurt by someone they fall in love with. But they were never afraid to show up in the dating world. So what’s stopping you from finding the right person to be with? Well, it’s a lot more complicated than you think. There are many reasons why strong women struggle to date, and here are just a few of them.

 

  1. They have high standards: Strong women know what they want in a partner and are not willing to settle for less. This can make it difficult to find someone who meets their expectations.
  2. They are independent: Strong women are used to taking care of themselves and may have a hard time letting someone else take the lead in a relationship.
  3. They are not afraid to speak their minds: Strong women are not afraid to speak their minds and may come across as intimidating or difficult to those who are not used to assertive behavior.
  4. They are used to being in control: Strong women are used to being in control and may have a hard time relinquishing control in a relationship.
  5. They are self-sufficient: Strong women are self-sufficient and may not need someone else to take care of them, which can be a turn off for some men.
  6. They have a busy lifestyle: Strong women often have demanding careers or other commitments that can make it difficult to find time for dating.
  7. They have been hurt in the past: Strong women may have been hurt in the past and may have a hard time trusting someone new.
  8. They are not afraid to be alone: Strong women are not afraid to be alone and may not feel the need to be in a relationship, which can make it difficult for someone to get close to them.

It’s important to remember that everyone is different and these reasons may not apply to every strong woman out there. Strong women should be appreciated and respected for who they are and not discouraged because of their independence, strength, and confidence.

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Relationships

The Loss Of A Pet Is More Painful Than Most People Would Believe

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The Loss Of A Pet Is More Painful Than Most People Would Believe

If you happen to have a pet of your own, you already know the kind of love and joy that comes with having a furry pet in your home. You are usually speechless when describing how big a pet can affect your life.

Pets are really great companions. They are very loyal and cheerful companions who will never stop loving you. When you come home after a long day at work, they are always waiting for you to pet them. They are there to make you laugh even when you don’t want to smile.

Be friends with anyone in your family, young or old, always ready to offer you unconditional love and not ask for anything in return. We are not pet friendly. But they are still there for us. Pets are always there to comfort you whenever you are feeling depressed and lonely. They sense when you’re feeling down and try to lift you up with positive energy and optimism. Pets are a constant reminder to be happy in life, even in the face of constant adversity and challenges. Pets teach us to always look for things to be grateful for, even when it feels like the whole world is weighing on our shoulders. Pets always teach you to look at life and see all the beauty it has to offer.

Helping Children Through Pet Illness & Death

Helping Children Through Pet Illness & Death

As a result, many people find it very difficult to say goodbye to their beloved pets. Losing a pet is always a very painful experience. Sometimes it even creates a degree of emotional trauma in a person to the point of never wanting to have a pet again. It’s like saying goodbye to a best friend forever. You never feel like you had enough time together. You will always want them to be with you forever.

Many people underestimate how painful it can be to lose a dog, cat, turtle, hamster, fish or any pet you can think of. Science confirms that the grief and devastation you feel when you lose a pet is justified. We conducted a determined study, which found that all owners agreed on how intensely and deeply they felt the pain they felt as a result of the loss. A team of researchers from Hawaii also conducted a study and found that the pain felt after losing a caress can last as long as the pain felt after losing a loved one.

Many people agree that you can’t really compare what it feels like to lose a pet to how it feels to lose someone you love. However, research shows that the level of devastation and suffering between the two experiences can be very similar in degree and magnitude.

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Do We Need to Experience Love to Be Loving?

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Do We Need to Experience Love to Be Loving?

It is not necessary to have experienced love in a romantic sense to be able to express love and kindness towards others. Love can take many forms and can be directed towards oneself, friends, family, and even strangers. A person can also show love through acts of kindness, generosity, and empathy without necessarily having experienced romantic love. Additionally, one can also learn and practice empathy, kindness, and other aspects of love through other means.

Love is a fundamental human need. It can take many forms, such as the love between romantic partners, the love between family members, and the love of oneself. Love can provide a sense of security, belonging, and self-worth. It can also play a crucial role in mental and physical well-being. Research has shown that people who have strong, positive relationships with others tend to be happier, healthier, and live longer. Lack of love and connection can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness, which can have negative effects on mental and physical health.

Do We Need to Experience Love to Be Loving?

Love is often thought of as a reciprocal feeling, meaning that it is often given and received. It is often said that love begets love, meaning that when we give love, we often receive it in return. The more love we give, the more love we tend to have in our lives. This can be seen in relationships where the more effort and care one partner puts in, the more the other partner tends to respond in kind. Additionally, showing love and kindness to others can often lead to an increase in self-love and self-esteem.

There are many ways to cultivate love in our lives, both for ourselves and for others. Here are a few ways to get love and be loved:

  1. Show love and kindness to others: One of the best ways to receive love is to give it. By showing love and kindness to others, we create positive relationships and a sense of connection.
  2. Practice self-love: Loving yourself is the first step to being loved by others. Take time to care for yourself, set boundaries, and treat yourself with kindness and respect.
  3. Communicate effectively: Clear and open communication is key to any healthy relationship. Express your needs and feelings, and make sure to listen actively to others.
  4. Be open to love: Sometimes we can block ourselves from receiving love by having preconceived notions about what love should look like. Be open to different forms of love and the ways it can come into your life.
  5. Volunteer and give back to the community: Helping others and giving back to the community can help boost self-esteem, and also put you in touch with people who may become your close friends or romantic partners.

Ultimately, it’s important to remember that love is not something that can be forced or controlled. It takes time and effort to build strong, healthy relationships, and it’s normal to experience ups and downs in any relationship.

 

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