No matter how long you’ve been with your partner, you’ve probably bickered with them more than you’d like to admit. Luckily, therapists believe it’s healthy to argue with your S.O. occasionally—but that doesn’t mean you should go off the rails when you do. There’s a healthy way to disagree. And all you have to do is learn from your attachment style.
The Attachment Theory is a behavioral theory that focuses on the early relationships developed between caregivers and their children. These bonds determine how we attach and respond to future relationships, both personal and professional, as adults. It’s theorized that as children, we develop assumptions on how others will care and behave based on how available and responsive our parents were to our needs. And according to this information, there are four attachment patterns: Secure, Anxious Preoccupied, Dismissive Avoidant, and Fearful Avoidant.
Understanding these styles can help us learn how to communicate better and develop healthier relationships, especially with our partners.
“Attachment Theory (depending on you or your partner’s attachment style) can help explain why you need reassurance from a partner, why you are more reserved in relationships, why you feel hyper-sensitive to even constructive criticism by your partner, [or] why you are confused in light of an argument,” Dr. Kim Chronister, licensed clinical psychologist, tells HelloGiggles. “It also offers insight into why couples continue to have similar arguments over a long period of time with no resolve and underlying feelings of unease.”
Overall, knowing and understanding your attachment style can change your relationship for the better. Take this quiz to find out yours, then read on to see how you can have healthier arguments based on your results.
Just because someone with a Secure Attachment Style is responsive and empathic to their partner’s needs doesn’t mean they never argue with their them. According to New York-based relationship expert Laurel Steinberg, Ph.D., “secure attachers can unhealthily manifest their worries about a partner’s behavior unrelated to their relationship in venomously mean ways that stir up arguments.”
Steinberg explains that people with secure attachments can improve this by making sure they deliver their concerns with respect and constructive criticism. Additionally, Chronister suggests that they sit down with their partner once a month to discuss two or three improvements that could prevent future arguments from happening.
“Taking inventory on a regular basis can shed light on blind spots of even securely attached individuals in a relationship,” she says.
“Those with a Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment Style think highly of themselves, but are not trusting of others. They often create ‘my-side’ biases (which is when people look for evidence to support their concerns) more than those who attach securely,” says Steinberg. “As a result, they may argue with their partners more often (because they are ‘looking for trouble’) and therefore often bring a lot of evidence to the argument to support their grievances.”
To alleviate people with Dismissive-Avoidant Styles from always thinking the worst of their partners, it’s important for them to recognize their natural negative thought patterns and be direct about their needs in a calm and mature manner.
“Allow space for your partner to voice opinions during the disagreement [and] take inventory of the wants and needs of each other. [You want] to avoid playing hot and cold and instead, acknowledge what your partner does right so your partner does not go into defense mode every time you talk about your needs and wants,” says Chronister.
People with Anxious-Preoccupied Attachments spend a lot of their time being preoccupied with their partner’s thoughts and actions. This can feed their fear of not truly knowing their partner’s emotions or thoughts. In the long run, this may cause them to neglect themselves and their own needs because they’re solely focusing on their partner, says Chronister.
To combat this behavior, Chronister suggests to “practice asserting your needs on a regular basis. This may feel foreign at first, but your partner needs you to give them the tools to know how to treat you.”
In addition, Steinberg recommends you believe in yourself and your relationship(s). “Come to terms with the fact that while no one and no relationship is ever perfect (and that is okay), you’re deserving of being esteemed highly and treated well.”
If you have a Fearful-Avoidant Attachment Style, you may be more inclined to protect your own feelings, create distance from your partner during or after an argument, and be less skilled in understanding your partner’s needs, according to Chronister. While these negative tactics might have served you as a child, it’s important to reevaluate these habits to grow and develop healthier relationships.
Steinberg suggests to not be so hard on yourself. “Unconditional self-acceptance, with the understanding that you always do your best, will go a long way to limit the panicky feelings that fearful-avoidant attachers experience within relationships,” she says.
This is important because you may believe that your partner doesn’t think highly of you in addition to not thinking highly of your partner or the relationship. Creating a safe space will resolve this—and result in you arguing fewer times than you normally would—which is what we all strive for in the long run.
If you don’t choose her then just leave her
It is not appropriate to tell someone to “just leave” someone else without understanding the full context of the situation. Relationships can be complex, and it’s important to consider the feelings and well-being of all parties involved before making any decisions. If you are considering ending a relationship, it may be helpful to talk to a therapist or counselor for guidance.
Choosing a romantic partner is a personal decision that can have a significant impact on one’s life. It’s important to consider a variety of factors when choosing a partner, such as compatibility, shared values, and communication styles. It’s also important to take time to get to know the person before making a commitment.
It’s important to keep in mind that no one is perfect and no relationship is perfect. It’s essential to find someone who you can grow with, someone you can trust, and someone who can make you happy. It’s also important to be honest with yourself about what you’re looking for in a relationship and to be open to the possibility of change and growth in the relationship.
It’s recommended to talk openly and honestly with a partner about expectations, goals, and values, and to be willing to compromise and work through any challenges that may arise. It’s also essential to maintain independence and a sense of self within the relationship.
Loyalty is an important aspect of any relationship, and it is crucial to be faithful to your partner. This means being committed to the relationship and not engaging in behaviors that could be considered cheating, such as flirting with or pursuing other people romantically.
It’s important to remember that loyalty is a two-way street, and it’s essential for both partners to be committed to the relationship and to each other. Maintaining open and honest communication with your partner is crucial to building and maintaining trust, which is essential to a healthy and loyal relationship.
It’s also important to remember that loyalty is not just about avoiding infidelity, but also about being supportive and understanding. Being there for your partner in difficult times, being honest and respectful, and being willing to compromise are all ways to show loyalty in a relationship.
It’s important to be aware of your actions, words, and how you make your partner feel in order to maintain loyalty in a relationship.
9 Men Reveal The Best Compliments They’ve Ever Gotten From Women
A lot of men can have confidence issues. And they can depend on other peoples’ validations for them to feel better about themselves. However, it’s always going to be a different story whenever the women that they’re with are the ones who are throwing compliments.
You probably know how good it feels to be on the receiving end of a compliment from the man that you love. Even the slightest hint about him admiring how you look is going to be enough to put a massive smile on your face. So, naturally, it would be the same for him too. That’s why you should never be stingy with the compliments that you give him. At the end of the day, the best way to get your man to feel better is to throw him a compliment.
How Do You Compliment Him?
Guys are going to want to hear great things about themselves, as well. They want to know what you see in them or why you like them. Of course, it would be good for you to throw them a bone every once in a while. It’s a great way to show them that you’re appreciative of their efforts. If you’re unsure about what kinds of compliments you should be giving him, then this is the article for you.
In this piece, nine different guys revealed the best compliments that they’ve ever received from their women and why. If you’re ever looking for ideas or inspiration, then you’ve come to the right place. Read more about what these guys want to hear from their women.
1. “I know you can do it!”
Men can go through a lot of struggles in this world. There are so many expectations that are set for them. Naturally, this can be a lot of pressure and stress. That’s why it’s always a better idea for you to just let him know that you think that he can get over his hurdles and adversities. That extra push is still going to be welcome to him.
2. “You are brilliant!”
Hey, men hate being objectified just as much as women do. You probably hate it whenever men tell you that you’re really hot, and they only focus on that all of the time. It’s the same for them as well. Hence, it would be a good idea for you to let him know that he’s smart. It means that you admire him beyond the way that he looks.
3. “You are in really great shape.”
Of course, it’s easy to tell him that he has excellent eyes and that he has a beautiful smile. However, it’s even better if you compliment him about a body part that he can control and manipulate. If he puts a lot of effort into his physique, then let him know that his efforts don’t go unnoticed.
4. “You work so hard.”
Again, there is a general theme here. You want him to feel like his efforts are worth it. That’s why it’s a good idea for you to show him that you see just how hard he works in life.
5. “You are so funny.”
A sense of humor is always going to be important in a relationship. Therefore, it’s nice to let your man know just how funny you find him. It’s going to make him feel good to see that he brings positivity and joy into your life.
6. “I love the way that you work for this relationship.
Of course, you should be letting him know that you appreciate the hard work that he pours into the relationship. This way, he knows that his efforts are being appreciated and validated.
7. “I love your hair!”
Men care about their hair. Make no mistake about it. And obviously, he puts a lot of effort into his hair. Whether or not you notice, it’s essential to let him know that you like his hair. At the end of the day, it’s little things like this that keep the relationship alive.
8. “You make me happy.”
Ultimately, happiness is the key. That’s the whole point of everything. And if he knows that he makes you happy, then it’s going to entice him to want to make you more comfortable. It’s always a nice feeling to know that you are the source of happiness for someone’s life.
9. “You are amazing in bed!”
And of course, a man is always going to want to know that he’s doing great in bed. A man’s performance is still going to be a great deal to him.
Be With The Person Who Always Chooses To Fight For You
You always have to choose to be with the person who is going to fight for you. It’s not enough that you’re in a relationship with someone who is only going to tolerate being with you. After all, that’s not what being in love is all about. It’s not enough that you’re only going to be with someone who is just going to allow you to be there. Admittedly, they have to actually want you to be in their lives. It’s not enough that you’re the only one who is fighting for the relationship work. Honestly, it’s always going to take power and effort of two people to make a relationship work. And unfortunately for you, if they don’t fit that bill, then you have to walk away.
You need to be with a person who makes a conscious choice to stay with you for every single day that you are together as a couple. Moreover, you need a person who is always going to consider you to be an essential part of their day. They must always make it a point to make time for you. After all, we only ever really spend time with the people who are most important to us. And if they don’t spend that much time with you, then you know that there is an inherent problem there that needs to be addressed. Fundamentally, two people who love one another should never get tired of being with each other. If you love one another, you would always be excited at the thought of being together.
You have to be with someone who is always going to choose to be with you. You must have someone who doesn’t leave you feeling doubtful and scared in the relationship. Honestly, it’s hard to find someone who would be able to give you a sense of comfort and ease in this life. It’s never going to be easy to find someone who you can trust so wholeheartedly and unashamedly. That’s why whenever you manage to find that person in your life, you should never let them go. If you have someone who loves you in ways that no one else does, you should always show your appreciation for that individual.
As you make your way through your relationship, you should always anticipate some good times and some bad. It’s never going to be a smooth ride throughout. You aren’t still going to be happy and joyful. It’s vital that you can anticipate a lot of rough patches and tough stretches in your relationship. That’s why you are going to want a partner who is able to hold your hand all the way through. You want to be with someone who is always going to stay consistent with you no matter how much the conditions or environments might change. You want a partner who you know is still going to be waiting for you when you get home.
You should only be with someone who is never going to shy away from showing their love to you consistently. Moreover, you want to find a person who is going to push, motivate, and inspire you to go after your dreams with reckless abandon. You want to be with someone who is almost going to feel like a safety net. They have to be able to make you feel like you are free to pursue your grandest dreams and most significant goals without being afraid. You want to be with someone who is going to always lift you up and treat you with the utmost respect. They should never stand in the way of you and your goals.
It’s no easy feat trying to find a person like this, but you always have to persist. For your own sake, you need to value yourself. You need to love yourself enough to demand proper treatment. You have to fight for someone to fight for you. And if at the end of the day, that’s not what you’re getting out of someone, then you need to be willing to walk away. You have to be strong enough to be on your own. It’s terrible to settle with someone who isn’t going to treat you the way that you deserve to be treated.
Trust that eventually, you’re going to find this individual in your life. You have to be able to believe that you are worthy of that fairytale kind of love. And most importantly, you have to believe that that love is eventually going to come for you. The first step into getting all your dreams to come true is to believe it first. Once you have that covered, it’s just a matter of fighting for it.