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Help Your Partner Learn to Trust: Use Four Simple Words

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Here’s a 4-word query that can enhance safety and build trust.

A recent study revealed that when parents used lies to keep their children in line, those kids were much more likely to lie to others, including parents, as they grew up (Setoh, Zhao, Santos, Heyman, & Lee, 2019). There’s an oft-repeated saying that “Children learn what they live,” and psychological research tends to provide the evidence to support this.

If your parents threatened to “call the police” or warn you that you might be “put in jail” if you didn’t stop doing what you were doing, there’s a good chance that you, as an adult, are now lying to your parents more than your friends do—and maybe to your friends and partners, as well.

Not only might parental lies shape your own verbal behaviour as you mature, but those lies might also negatively affect your overall ability to meet psychological and social challenges. When a parent warns, “Don’t lie to me, son,” but models the use of lies as methods of behaviour control, the parent is confusing the child and creating the very model of the behaviour they are asking the child to reject; this is a type of double bind. While research has shown that the “refrigerator mother” and the “double bind” are not causes of schizophrenia or autism in children, putting kids into a “double bind” is possibly going to lead to some serious adjustment and relational issues down the road. The authors of the study suggested that when children are controlled by parental control that involves lies and threats, that their sense of autonomy and emotional well-being may be inhibited by their parents’ assertion of authority. Learning to trust a parent who uses lies to manage your behaviour can be a very difficult thing to accomplish.

Humans May Be Programmed to Trust at Birth, but Poor Relationships Can Compromise This Ability

When children don’t learn about trust through relationships with their parents when they are in their early formative years of attachment and bonding, they may have a difficult time learning to trust anyone else, for that matter. When we aren’t comfortable trusting others, we have a difficult time trying to forge healthy adult relationships that would allow us the opportunity to be comfortable in our own skin in relation to a person about whom we care deeply and who cares for us. For the person low in trust, it can be risky to let yourself believe in the affirmations and demonstrations of commitment from another. If you grow up with caregivers who have lied to you as a way of shaping your behaviours, it can be challenging to believe that a romantic partner would not do the same. And for the partner of a person low in trust, it can be extremely frustrating to feel that your partner has difficulty believing that what you say—with words and actions—is the truth. Being doubted when you’re in earnest can leave you feeling helpless or hollow.

However, one study (Cortes & Woodard, 2019) has revealed that there is a simple way to help partners low in trust actually experience, in a healthy way, your care, concern, and commitment. It is achieved by simply checking in with your partner at the end of each day with a gentle query, “How was your day?”

This sounds too simple, right? How can a gentle, four-word question be an intervention for lack of trust? The authors believe that this may be due to the gentleness and low-threat nature of the query that doesn’t raise a partner’s mistrust alarms or leave them feeling that they’ve been put on the spot. Five studies conducted by the authors provided clear evidence that partners low in trust experience increases in levels of relationship satisfaction as well as experience their partners as caring when they were asked about their own experiences in such a simple manner as, “How was your day?” While individuals who displayed normal or higher levels of trust did not experience the same effect, partners who had difficulties in trusting their partners were positively affected by a partner’s conveying care through a simple verbal check-in.

Don’t Blame Parents for Too Long

While parents may shape the culture that shapes children’s emotional and psychological identities, once adulthood is reached and dependence on parents comes to an end, it is time to focus on becoming the person that you would like to be and create your own culture of safety and support. Changing behaviours that are instilled into people since they were children can be challenging. However, helping a partner overcome limitations to being the best partner they can be is often a worthwhile investment of love and support.

When a partner lies to you and you know that lying is a habit, call them out on it and remind them that they don’t need to lie to you, that you can relate to them better when the truth is the language they use.

When a lack of trust seems to be a constant source of conflict, rather than frequently remonstrating your partner for not trusting you, just use gentle check-ins on a regular basis that illustrate your care for your partner and your interest in their experiences and their lives. “How was your day?” is much more welcome than a barrage of questions about why they can’t trust you. If they learned early that others cannot be trusted, there’s really not much more they could say by way of explanation. Don’t accuse, don’t attack, don’t make your partner feel that they have to rationalize and justify their feelings. Simply offer the reassurance of your concern and commitment through curiosity and care about their lives.

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Relationships

8 Reasons Why Strong Women Have Difficulty In Dating

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8 Reasons Why Strong Women Have Difficulty In Dating

There are many strong, independent people in the world who find it really hard to succeed in dating and relationships. You are incredibly smart, beautiful, talented, and ambitious. Yet they still struggle to find a good man to be with. They are the kind of women who can get the man they want. Is not. But why?

Well, you might think I’m just bragging and self-centered. You might think these strong women think too much of themselves. You may think that you don’t have time.

But oddly enough, it has very little to do with these things. And these strong women certainly aren’t afraid to get their hearts broken by terrible men in toxic relationships. They hate being hurt by someone they fall in love with. But they were never afraid to show up in the dating world. So what’s stopping you from finding the right person to be with? Well, it’s a lot more complicated than you think. There are many reasons why strong women struggle to date, and here are just a few of them.

 

  1. They have high standards: Strong women know what they want in a partner and are not willing to settle for less. This can make it difficult to find someone who meets their expectations.
  2. They are independent: Strong women are used to taking care of themselves and may have a hard time letting someone else take the lead in a relationship.
  3. They are not afraid to speak their minds: Strong women are not afraid to speak their minds and may come across as intimidating or difficult to those who are not used to assertive behavior.
  4. They are used to being in control: Strong women are used to being in control and may have a hard time relinquishing control in a relationship.
  5. They are self-sufficient: Strong women are self-sufficient and may not need someone else to take care of them, which can be a turn off for some men.
  6. They have a busy lifestyle: Strong women often have demanding careers or other commitments that can make it difficult to find time for dating.
  7. They have been hurt in the past: Strong women may have been hurt in the past and may have a hard time trusting someone new.
  8. They are not afraid to be alone: Strong women are not afraid to be alone and may not feel the need to be in a relationship, which can make it difficult for someone to get close to them.

It’s important to remember that everyone is different and these reasons may not apply to every strong woman out there. Strong women should be appreciated and respected for who they are and not discouraged because of their independence, strength, and confidence.

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The Loss Of A Pet Is More Painful Than Most People Would Believe

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The Loss Of A Pet Is More Painful Than Most People Would Believe

If you happen to have a pet of your own, you already know the kind of love and joy that comes with having a furry pet in your home. You are usually speechless when describing how big a pet can affect your life.

Pets are really great companions. They are very loyal and cheerful companions who will never stop loving you. When you come home after a long day at work, they are always waiting for you to pet them. They are there to make you laugh even when you don’t want to smile.

Be friends with anyone in your family, young or old, always ready to offer you unconditional love and not ask for anything in return. We are not pet friendly. But they are still there for us. Pets are always there to comfort you whenever you are feeling depressed and lonely. They sense when you’re feeling down and try to lift you up with positive energy and optimism. Pets are a constant reminder to be happy in life, even in the face of constant adversity and challenges. Pets teach us to always look for things to be grateful for, even when it feels like the whole world is weighing on our shoulders. Pets always teach you to look at life and see all the beauty it has to offer.

Helping Children Through Pet Illness & Death

Helping Children Through Pet Illness & Death

As a result, many people find it very difficult to say goodbye to their beloved pets. Losing a pet is always a very painful experience. Sometimes it even creates a degree of emotional trauma in a person to the point of never wanting to have a pet again. It’s like saying goodbye to a best friend forever. You never feel like you had enough time together. You will always want them to be with you forever.

Many people underestimate how painful it can be to lose a dog, cat, turtle, hamster, fish or any pet you can think of. Science confirms that the grief and devastation you feel when you lose a pet is justified. We conducted a determined study, which found that all owners agreed on how intensely and deeply they felt the pain they felt as a result of the loss. A team of researchers from Hawaii also conducted a study and found that the pain felt after losing a caress can last as long as the pain felt after losing a loved one.

Many people agree that you can’t really compare what it feels like to lose a pet to how it feels to lose someone you love. However, research shows that the level of devastation and suffering between the two experiences can be very similar in degree and magnitude.

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Relationships

Do We Need to Experience Love to Be Loving?

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Do We Need to Experience Love to Be Loving?

It is not necessary to have experienced love in a romantic sense to be able to express love and kindness towards others. Love can take many forms and can be directed towards oneself, friends, family, and even strangers. A person can also show love through acts of kindness, generosity, and empathy without necessarily having experienced romantic love. Additionally, one can also learn and practice empathy, kindness, and other aspects of love through other means.

Love is a fundamental human need. It can take many forms, such as the love between romantic partners, the love between family members, and the love of oneself. Love can provide a sense of security, belonging, and self-worth. It can also play a crucial role in mental and physical well-being. Research has shown that people who have strong, positive relationships with others tend to be happier, healthier, and live longer. Lack of love and connection can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness, which can have negative effects on mental and physical health.

Do We Need to Experience Love to Be Loving?

Love is often thought of as a reciprocal feeling, meaning that it is often given and received. It is often said that love begets love, meaning that when we give love, we often receive it in return. The more love we give, the more love we tend to have in our lives. This can be seen in relationships where the more effort and care one partner puts in, the more the other partner tends to respond in kind. Additionally, showing love and kindness to others can often lead to an increase in self-love and self-esteem.

There are many ways to cultivate love in our lives, both for ourselves and for others. Here are a few ways to get love and be loved:

  1. Show love and kindness to others: One of the best ways to receive love is to give it. By showing love and kindness to others, we create positive relationships and a sense of connection.
  2. Practice self-love: Loving yourself is the first step to being loved by others. Take time to care for yourself, set boundaries, and treat yourself with kindness and respect.
  3. Communicate effectively: Clear and open communication is key to any healthy relationship. Express your needs and feelings, and make sure to listen actively to others.
  4. Be open to love: Sometimes we can block ourselves from receiving love by having preconceived notions about what love should look like. Be open to different forms of love and the ways it can come into your life.
  5. Volunteer and give back to the community: Helping others and giving back to the community can help boost self-esteem, and also put you in touch with people who may become your close friends or romantic partners.

Ultimately, it’s important to remember that love is not something that can be forced or controlled. It takes time and effort to build strong, healthy relationships, and it’s normal to experience ups and downs in any relationship.

 

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