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Bad Breakups

If He Does These 5 Things, Then You Shouldn’t Marry Him

You want to live a life full of love with someone who is going to willingly give you his heart without conditions or apprehensions.

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Ultimately, you will always want to aim to get married to the man that you’re in a relationship with. That’s the goal of every couple in love, right? You longingly dream of marrying the man who you know you’re going to find perpetual happiness and fulfillment in. You want to be spending the rest of your life with the guy who is going to care for you and protect you to the best of his abilities. You want to live a life full of love with someone who is going to willingly give you his heart without conditions or apprehensions.

And it’s okay to dream of having that kind of life. It’s always okay to aspire for your relationships to eventually evolve into the kind that lasts forever and stands the test of time. However, you can’t allow your desperation to get the best of you either. If you know that he is terrible for you, then you need to walk away from him. But sometimes, you can love him so much to the point that you become blind to the terrible aspects of his personality.

That’s why you really need to take note of everything that is going on in your relationship. You need to maintain a sense of introspection and self-reflection in your relationship. You must always be staying on top of things and paying attention to everything that is going on. That means you need to be aware of the many bad parts of his character as well. You just can’t be focusing on all the good parts. That’s a great way to find yourself in a toxic and destructive relationship without realizing it.

Be honest with yourself. Your relationship isn’t perfect. There are bound to be a few flaws in your partner’s personality and you need to come clean with those flaws. Sometimes, these flaws are going to be acceptable. Sometimes, these flaws can be overlooked. There are some mistakes that your partner will make which are totally forgivable and fine. However, there are also certain non-negotiable that you need to be taking note of. There are just certain habits or behavioral traits, that he might be guilty of which you shouldn’t be willing to tolerate at all.

Remember marriage is a lifelong commitment and it’s not necessarily one that you can just get out of so easily. That’s why you always want to be sure about the person that you’re marrying before you actually make that commitment. So, if you notice that he is guilty of the following behaviors, you might want to reassess your relationship. You might want to reevaluate just how much he means to you.

Call him out on his toxic behavior. Make him aware of his terrible habits. And if he shows a willingness to change, then he might actually be worth giving a chance to. But if he’s going to be defensive about the way that he conducts himself, it might be best for you to just move on.

1. He always breaks his promises and commitments.

He doesn’t really follow up on the things that he says to you. And that’s a serious problem because if he can’t commit to you on the little things, what makes you think that he’s going to commit to you on the big things?

2. He blatantly disrespects and demeans you.

There should be no room for any kind of disrespect in a marriage. When you have a partner who finds it so easy to just demean you and belittle you, then that definitely isn’t a good thing. You don’t want to be attached to the kind of man who is only going to feed into your insecurities and make you feel bad about who you are.

3. He causes you mental and emotional pain.

You might think that just because your partner doesn’t lay a hand on you means that he isn’t causing you any pain at all. But that’s wrong. There are certain kinds of pain that transcend the merely physical. And it’s always dangerous whenever you allow yourself to marry a man who causes you mental and emotional anguish.

4. He keeps your relationship from moving on.

He is always stagnating your relationship and keeping you guys from taking things to the next level. He doesn’t really show a willingness to move forward in the relationship with you. He’s just always content with where the two of you are. But he’s not enthusiastic about where you’re going.

5. He cheats and acts unfaithfully in your relationship.

Sometimes, cheating can actually be salvaged. It’s possible for couples to move on from an act of unfaithfulness in the relationship. But a lot of the time, once that trust is actually broken, it can be really difficult to recover from it. It would be unlikely for you to be able to allow yourself to trust this person again.

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Bad Breakups

Dear Ex-Lover, I Just Want To Thank You For Failing To Love Me The Way I Deserved

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Usually, when other women find themselves in the position that I am in, they wouldn’t really be thanking their exes at all. In fact, there are probably a lot of women who would laugh and scoff at the idea of me just thanking you for everything that you did to me. I see so many of my friends who are so happy in their romantic relationships, and even though you might think that I desperately want you to be here so I can feel like I belong, I don’t. I’m okay. I’m fine. I don’t need you to be here. I’m not in a relationship. I know I’m far from getting married. But I also know that I’m fine.

I know that I’m eventually going to want to find love for myself. I know that I’m eventually going to want to find eternal happiness in being in a relationship with someone. But that doesn’t mean that I should be desperate about it. That doesn’t mean that I have to settle for the first guy who presents himself to me as a viable candidate. This is a lesson that I learned while I was with you, and I am eternally grateful for that. This is why I want to thank you. If I had never been with you, and if you had never treated me the way that you did, then I wouldn’t have learned this important lesson that I carry with me know.

You never loved me the way that I deserve to be loved. You never treated me like you ever cared about me. You never made me feel like I was the most amazing and most beautiful girl in your eyes. I was never made to feel like I was deserving of your effort. I was always just doing my best trying to keep our relationship afloat. But you never reciprocated any of that effort. You destroyed my self-esteem. You completely annihilated my sense of confidence. I was constantly arguing with myself about whether you were still worth it or not. But you always had a way to keep me hooked. You managed to string me along for the ride. You managed to play me like a fiddle. You played me like a puppet, and it took me a really long time before I could see the strings.

But again, I’m thankful that you treated me that way. It was precise because you were so terrible towards me that I made the decision to just walk away. It was because of your horrible treatment of me that I decided to stand up for myself and demand for better things. It was because of you being a terrible partner that I learned that love is something you can’t just force. I know now that even though I want love, I can’t force love to manifest itself out of thin air. I have to wait for love to come to me when I’m with the right person, and when I’m ready.

You just didn’t happen to be the right person for me. You just weren’t the guy who I know I could always lean on. You were never going to be the man who would always be there for me no matter how hard life would get. You always made sure that I was constantly scared and insecure about my place in your life. You never gave me the assurance or the certainty that you would always be sticking around. And once I realized that I knew that I had to be the one to walk away and leave. I realized that I didn’t have to subject myself to that kind of relationship environment any longer.

Thank you for treating me in the worst way possible. In a way, by being the worst boyfriend I have ever had, you gave me the best and most important lessons that I could possibly ever learn out of love and relationships: if it isn’t meant to be, then it isn’t meant to be. If love isn’t real now, then it’s probably never going to be real in the future. You taught me that I shouldn’t have to wait around for you to love me the way that I wanted you to. You taught me to go out and seek the guy who would be ready to love me for who I already am.

I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for being the starring role in that horrible phase of my life. It was because of that phase that I can now look forward to bigger and better things in love and relationships. It’s because I have been with you that I now realize just how much better I can have it with someone else.

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Bad Breakups

8 Signs You Were Right To Break Up With Your Ex Even If You’re In Pain

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Breakups hurt. There is just no getting around that fact. They cut for a reason too. After all, you were once in love with the person you broke up with. Heck, it’s even possible that you were still in love with them when you guys broke up.

When you first become interested in someone, it’s always an exciting thing. You test the waters, and you try to see if the two of you have a chance with one another. You check if the two of you have a shot at making things last. But ultimately, your curiosity and your eagerness win out. You decide that maybe this is worth taking a chance on.

So, you try to get to know one another. You see that there’s some serious potential here, and so you allow yourself to fall in love with them gradually. It’s in your best interests to take things slowly so that you don’t rush into anything. However, you can’t deny what you feel. You know that this is something real here and you would hate yourself if you didn’t give it a try.

However, in spite of your best intentions, relationships don’t always go your way. Sometimes, a relationship can take a sour turn. And whenever that happens, it becomes tough to sustain a relationship. It can even get to a point wherein the two of you contemplate the idea of you just going your separate paths. This is not ideal. And it might not be what you want. But it’s something that you have to do.

You break up, and you deal with the fact that you’re no longer together. However, you can’t seem to shake that feeling of sadness and heartache from your system. You feel so sad and empty. You are in severe pain, and you don’t know if what you did was the right thing to do. But here’s the thing: just because you feel bad about it doesn’t mean that you made the wrong decision. Here are a few signs that it was right for the two of you to break up:

1. You lost your sense of identity in the relationship.

You should never lose your sense of identity for the sake of a relationship. If you were barred from doing the things that you wanted to do when you were in a relationship, then it’s only right that you ended things. You should always have your freedom and sense of self even when you’re in a relationship.

2. You weren’t growing in your relationship anymore.

Growth is significant on both a relationship level and on a personal level. The reason you always need to grow in life is so you can continuously adapt to changing circumstances. It’s the same with your relationship as well. A lack of growth is a sign of dysfunction in a relationship.

3. You felt terrified of your partner.

Fear should never be a driving force in a relationship. There can be no real love in a relationship when there is a surplus of fear.

4. You didn’t know where you were going in life.

The direction is always going to be necessary. You still need to be thinking about the future so that you know that you’re moving backward. If you’re wandering about aimlessly, then that can be bad for your personal growth and development. That’s why you need a relationship that has direction.

5. Your friends and family were telling you to get out.

You don’t want to be living your life based on the expectations and feelings of other people. However, if the people who care most about you are saying that the relationship was bad for you, perhaps it’s worth paying attention to.

6. You came to expect disappointment.

Disappointment should never be the norm in a relationship. If you found yourself feeling disappointed continuously about the state of your relationship, then that means that your expectations weren’t being met. And you should never be in a relationship that doesn’t meet your standards and expectations.

7. You felt like you didn’t have a voice.

You should always be made to feel like you have a voice in a healthy relationship. The fact that you felt like you were being censored and silenced in your relationship is proof enough that you were right to break up. You should never have to be quiet in your relationship.

8. You weren’t happy anymore.

And of course, you should always be in a relationship that makes you happy. There’s no point in staying in a relationship that doesn’t bring you any sense of happiness anymore. Happiness is something that you should never compromise. You might feel bad now. But being single is better than being in an unhappy relationship.

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Bad Breakups

5 Things You Need To Learn After You Get Your Heart Broken

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This is my take on how most failed relationships look like. You meet a person, and you become interested in them. You may see a few red flags here and there, but you choose to ignore them. Why? You choose to see the best in them. It would be such a waste for you to leave the relationship just because you let a few red flags throw you off.

For a while, you get pleased at how everything is turning out. You are so excited at how everything seems to be falling into place. But then, things don’t seem to be so great anymore. Once all of the novelty of the relationship starts to fade off, the red flags that you used to ignore now demand to be felt. They now command your attention, and you can’t shake them anymore.

You’re desperate to try to make things work because you don’t want to be known as a quitter. Anyway, you have always been told that you should never quit on your relationships. You have always been taught that love is worth fighting for and that you should never give up so easily. So, like any good partner, you choose to fight for your relationship. You decide to work double-time to try to keep your relationship together.

But then, over time, you start to see that it’s just a losing battle at this point. You discover that no matter how hard you try, there is no way for you to salvage the relationship. You realize that your efforts are all going to waste and that it might be time for you to consider the idea of just walking away from it all entirely.

Ultimately, you decide to break things off because you know that you don’t have what it takes to carry the relationship on your own at this point. You’re broken hearted because you were so invested in the relationship. You are so sad because you thought that you would be able to make the relationship last. You are devastated because you felt that this would finally be your chance at finding success at love.

But then, all of your hopes have just fallen down the drain.

What is left for you to do but deal with your grief?

Of course, this might not necessarily be your situation correctly. However, the principles are all the same. You met a guy. You fell in love with a guy. And you had to break things off with this guy. Ultimately, it all ended with you breaking your heart. However, you have to know that your heartbreak is not the finality of the situation.

More than just being a harrowing experience, heartbreak is also a learning opportunity. You have to be able to use this opportunity to pick up a few lessons to help you become stronger and better about your situation. Here are a few lessons that you should have learned by now at this stage of your heartbreak:

1. You need to learn to fall in love with yourself.

You have to learn to fall in love with yourself after a heartbreak. After a romance with another person doesn’t go your way, you must always find a way to fall back on the love that you have for yourself.

2. You need to appreciate the people who are there for you.

You need to show a better sense of gratitude and appreciation for the people who are there for you. They are there for you at your weakest point, and that’s not something that you can be taking so lightly.

3. You need to be more serious about noticing red flags.

When you decide to date again, you need to take these red flags more seriously. You shouldn’t be so desperate to the point that you become willing to ignore them. You always have to take these red flags seriously. And you have to take some time to think about whether they are worth addressing or just tolerating.

4. You need to learn that you’re fully healed before you’re ready again.

You have to learn when you’re fully healed before you decide to jump right back into the waters again. You mustn’t carry any substantial emotional baggage from your previous relationship into a new one. You are only setting yourself up for more heartache. And it’s utterly unfair to the person you’re dating.

5. You need to learn when it’s okay to walk away.

If you are ever going to try your hand at love in the future again, then you have to know that you aren’t automatically going to find success just because it’s your second time around the block. If things don’t work out for you, then you need to learn when it’s time for you to walk away.

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