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What to Do If You’re in Love with Someone Afraid of Love

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Photo: Relationship Quotes

It may sound like a silly question, but a lot of broken-hearted folks worldwide are now afraid of love. They are too scared to fall in love again in fear of reliving the unbearable pain they went through.

How does one deal with someone who is afraid of love? If you are attracted to such a person, would they return your affection, or are you looking into an unrequited love relationship.

Courting a person who is afraid of love

If you are the martyr type who is in love with someone like that, don’t fret. It’s not the end of the world. There is still a way to turn things around in your favor. It will just take time, a lot of time.

A person who is afraid of love does not fear love itself but the pain that follows if it fails.

They are no longer willing to leave themselves vulnerable and open their heart and soul to a person and then be cast aside.

In other words, it isn’t love itself that they fear, but failed relationships. So the trick here is not to press the issue and make that person fall in love again without realizing it.

Breaking down walls

People who have “afraid of love” phobia have a defense mechanism that prevents them from being close with anyone. They will push people who get too close and is guarded against anyone they deem too friendly.

If you want to have a relationship with such a person, you will have to break through their defense. It is not an easy task, and it will test your patience to the limit. So before you begin and waste your time. Decide to either go through with it till the end or quit while you haven’t lost anything yet. If you do end up trying, you will have to give it your all, and it may take years to achieve a breakthrough.

If you are still willing to take on the challenge of courting someone who is afraid of love, here are some tips that would help increase your chances from zero to maybe.

Take it slow

Aggressive, passive-aggressive, or passive methods will not work. If you go to them, they will reject you. If you wait for them to come to you, then you will wait forever.

Understand that you only have one weapon, their heart, there is a hole in their heart that wants to be filled. It is human nature. It is a conscious effort by their brain that will prevent you from getting close to it. So you have to slowly fill that hole with thoughts of you without alerting their brain.

Don’t push it

They cannot stop themselves from falling in love (again), but they can stop themselves from being in a relationship. The easiest way to do this is by entering the dreaded friend zone.

Do not even dare or hint that you want to be in a relationship with them. It is the one and only white lie you are allowed to say. Other than that, you have to be honest.

People who are afraid of love were most likely betrayed by their ex. One of the ways that betrayal manifested is through lies. It follows that they will detest lies and liars.

So be an honest friend.

Do not be too available

Do not take every opportunity that presents itself. It will trigger the defense mechanism if you are always available for them.

Unless they specifically call for you, do not create too many “coincidences” to talk or meet the person. Learn about their interests through social media or through their friends. Do not be a stalker. If they catch you once, it’s over.

Once you find out what they like, match it with things that you like.

For example, if both of you love Korean food, go eat in a Korean restaurant with your other friends, wait for them to react to it before you suggest (don’t invite) to come together with your other friends if they are interested. The more people present, the less guarded they will be.

Do not force yourself to like things to get their attention. It will also raise alarms if you are “too perfect.”

Limit your time alone together

At least at the start, if you can go out with her friends, so much the better. The more people present, the less likely their brain will process it as a legitimate date. Do not focus solely on them and enjoy the company of others.

The more they see you are comfortable with “their crowd” the more their defenses will consider you as a “safe” person.

Do not talk about her past or future

Reminding that person of the reasons why they are afraid of love in the first place is taboo. The last thing you want to do is to ruin all your efforts by reminding them why they do not want to be in a relationship with you (or anyone else).

Talking about the future will have the same effect, it will remind them how they once had a future with their ex and how everything broke apart like a house of cards.

Stick to the present and have fun. If they enjoy your company, they will turn around and miss you for it.

Be patient

Everything will take time, the moment they are in love with you, they will deny it. They will do all they can to remove you from their lives.

If you notice that they are pushing you away, then stay away. Do not be angry or even ask the reason why. It is a good sign that they realized their defenses are broken and they are trying to rebuild it.

Give it a couple of weeks before you create a fated encounter. From there, good luck.

Here are some “afraid of love quotes” to help you go through with it.

“Because, if you could love someone, and keep loving them, without being loved back… then that love had to be real. It hurt too much to be anything else.”

– Sarah Cross

“Let no one who loves be called altogether unhappy. Even love unreturned has its rainbow.”

– J.M. Barrie

“Soul connections are not often found and are worth every bit of fight left in you to keep.”

– Shannon Adler

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Intimacy & Sex

8 Kissing Positions To Improve The Quality of Your Foreplay

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Try to think back to the first time you ever kissed someone. In all likelihood, it probably wasn’t that good. And now, try to think back about the kisses that you’ve had since then. You have probably gotten better at it over time, right? If not, then that’s just sad and this article is definitely for you. But even if you think that your kissing game is on point, you need to know that there is always room for improvement.

Even though when you get older, kissing is still going to have to be taken seriously. Sure, having sex and making love is surely going to take centre stage. But you still can’t take kissing for granted. You can’t discount it. You have to know that it should still very much be an important part of anyone’s sexual repertoire.

Remember the days of first base? Those late nights sitting on the couch with your crush after your parents went to bed, hoping he’d lean over in the middle of She’s All That and just plant one on you?

As you get older, the rush of being kissed often falls to the shadows, as the spotlight turns to, well, getting laid. But kissing is still an important part of the sexual repertoire.

“First of all, kissing is sex. It is one of the many ways we express ourselves sexually,” says Suzanne Rapley, a certified sex therapist.

And you shouldn’t forget that the lips and mouth are actually loaded with nerve endings. That’s according to Emily deAyala, a certified sex therapist as well. And the manipulation and stimulation of these nerves are actually important in creating a certain sensation in the build-up to sexual intimacy. She adds, “Many people are guilty of jumping into intercourse too quickly, but spending more time making out can do wonders to stimulate sexual pleasure and improve intimacy in the relationship.”

If you are interested in taking your kissing game to the next level, then you should probably give these positions a try.

1. The Side-by-Side Kiss

This is probably the kissing position for a lot of first-time kissers. This is the common kissing position for couples who are sitting alongside one another on a park bench overlooking a view, on the couch watching TV, or on the movie seats watching the cinema screen.

2. The Soft Hickey

The soft hickey is always a really nice way to build up to sex. There’s just something so naturally sexy and romantic about gently sucking on the skin of your partner. It’s the kind of kiss that screams both love and passion at the same time. Be sure to be gentle about it.

3. The Chest-to-Chest Kiss

This is one of the most basic but also most effective kinds of kissing positions. This is when the two of you are both in a standing position as you face one another. You both lock yourselves in a really passionate kiss while your hands travel throughout different parts of each other’s bodies. Add some extra spice and closeness by having your chests get in contact with one another.

4. The Girl-on-Top Kiss

It’s always so sexy whenever the two of you are kissing while you’re lying down. But ideally, you would want the girl to be on top in this scenario. It’s always more likely that the guy would be able to handle having the woman’s dead weight on him.

via GIPHY

5. The Tongue-Only Kiss

Hey, it’s called the French kiss for a reason, right? And if there’s one thing the French know how to do, it definitely loves. So don’t be afraid to swap some saliva with your partner by making use of that tongue of yours.

6. The “I Must Have You” Kiss

This is the kiss that requires no words at all. It’s when you both see each other and you immediately jump into a deep and passionate snog with one another. This is the “I must have you” kiss wherein you want to lock lips with one another before you even consider doing anything else.

via GIPHY

7. The Spiderman Kiss

Chances are if you are reading this, you haven’t been bitten by a radioactive spider that has given you the power to hang upside down from a web. You are probably already familiar with the Spiderman movie with Tobey Maguire and the amazing kiss he shared with Kirsten Dunst.

You don’t have to be dangling from the ceiling to perform this kiss though. You just have to be lying down. And have her kiss you with the top of her head facing your feet.

via GIPHY

8. The Anywhere But The Mouth Kiss

And this is the kind of kiss that will have your partner just hot with anticipation. They will long for you to kiss them in the mouth while you tease them with kisses everywhere else.

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5 Ways Having Great Sex Can Help Save Your Relationship

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Sex is definitely a lot of fun. There’s no denying that. But did you know that sex can have a lot of other upsides in your relationship as well? It’s more than just a fun activity that you and your partner can do together. Read on to find out more.

Good sex can actually help save your relationship. And it doesn’t really take a brain surgeon to figure out why.

Sex is a very integral aspect of any modern relationship that is built on honesty, trust, mutual respect, and love. In fact, sex can be just as important as communication, openness, and compatibility. That’s why having a healthy and active sex life can actually aid in rescuing your relationship from any hole that it might find itself in. Sex might even help you from falling into any holes, to begin with.

When you have sex with your partner, you are essentially strengthening the bond that you have together. And that is true in both a physical and an emotional sense. You are never as physically connected with your partner as you are when you’re having sex. And that physical connection can have a significant impact on the emotional bond that you might have as well.

You might think that it’s cruel or manipulative for you to use sex as a tool to save your relationship. But you shouldn’t be thinking that way at all. Sex is a perfect way to reconnect with your partner whenever you feel like there is some kind of distance between the two of you. It’s not an act of manipulation so as long as you always do it out of a place of love and mutual affection.

But is it really true that sex can help save your relationship even though it’s going through substantial trials and struggles? Would sex really be able to solve the fact that you and your partner don’t laugh so much anymore? Can sex help save your relationship that is on the brink of collapse? Well, we say that it can.

And if you’re not convinced, then this article is going to try to change your mind. You might not think that sex can have such a profound impact on your relationship but it really can. Again, it’s more than just a physical activity after all. Here are 5 ways that having great sex can actually help save your relationship.

1. Sex creates a very intimate connection between you and your partner.

When you have sex, you are sharing a very intimate connection. There is a real emotional bond between the two of you that is formed during sex. And it’s the kind of bond that you can’t really generate in any other aspect of life either. It’s a special kind of bond that is precious and unique only to you and your partner.

2. Orgasms can trigger the release of some feel-good chemicals.

It’s biology. Science has already proven that orgasms can actually trigger the release of hormones that can make a person feel better and happier. The moment that you reach orgasm, your body is going to be flooded with dopamine. It’s practically a natural high that you go through whenever you climax with your partner. And you generate that with one another which will further strengthen your bond.

3. Having sex is a lot of fun.

Oh, it’s a lot of fun. And don’t you dare deny it. It’s an opportunity for you two to actually generate some happy vibrations and energy in your relationship in a very natural and organic manner. So, when you find that there is a lot of negativity surrounding your relationship, maybe having sex would be enough to ease all of the stresses and tensions that you are feeling with one another.

4. It’s a great way to reconnect after drifting apart.

Whenever you find that there is some kind of emotional or physical distance between the two of you in your relationship, you can always turn to sex. Sex just has a way of making two people feel more connected to one another. And it’s not just something physical either. There are emotional variables that are at play here. And you are going to be able to tap into those feelings with sex.

5. Healthy sexual activity can boost overall satisfaction in a relationship.

It’s already been proven that sex can actually help boost the overall satisfaction that one might feel in a relationship. It shouldn’t come to anyone’s surprise anymore that human beings are going to have sexual needs. And when the two of you have some really good sexual chemistry, then you won’t feel compelled to have those needs fulfilled by anyone else anymore. You’ll be perfectly satisfied and happy with one another if you have a really strong sex life going on.

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Intimacy & Sex

10 Signs He’s Only Interested In Hooking Up (As Revealed By A Man)

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Well, you shouldn’t really be surprised to know by now that a lot of guys are only ever really going to be interested in hooking up. And if that’s your thing as well, that’s fine. Just make sure that you are clear and upfront about it at the start. You never want to be leading someone on. And you don’t want to be led on by any man either. If you’re looking for true love, you don’t want some guy to be playing you just to get into your pants.

But there are a lot of guys out there who will only wine and dine you until you give it up and actually give them what they want – your body. And once you do, they’re done with you. Once they’re tired of you, they will move on to another target. And you will be left trying to mend a broken heart.

That’s why you always want to make a conscious effort to keep yourself protected. Stay clear of the guys who are only looking to hook up with you. You always want to be with someone who is going to treat you seriously. You want to be with a man who is actually going to treat you with dignity. You want a man who won’t just be using you for your body.

And so at the earliest signs of danger, you need to make sure that you get out. Once you know that you’re dating a guy who only wants to hook up with you, then you need to call him out on it. If he doesn’t get serious with you, then dump him. Move on. Find someone better.

1. He is constantly surrounded by women.

He’s always just surrounded by women. It goes to show that he’s a player. He’s someone who always just wants to be keeping his options open. He sees women like their playthings.

2. He doesn’t really open up to you.

He doesn’t really like to open up to you. He always keeps to himself. He doesn’t say much to you. He doesn’t show that he’s comfortable with letting you get to know him better. That’s a sign that he’s not really emotionally invested in being with you in an intimate capacity.

3. He only ever really compliments you on your looks.

He only ever really compliments you about the way that you look. He never tells you that he thinks you’re talented. He doesn’t say anything to show that he admires your personality. Nope. He’s always just focused on how you look. And that means he only sees you as an object of visual pleasure.

4. He always just wants to stay in.

He’s always just interested in staying at home with you. He does this for a few reasons. For one, it allows him to get intimate with you right away. And two, he doesn’t have to show you off to the world and so he can still keep himself on the market.

5. He gets handsy right away.

A man can do a lot to mask his feelings with the words that he says. But he usually shows his true colours through his actions. And when he’s getting really handsy with you early on in your relationship, then you can really tell where his priorities lie at that point. You know that he just wants to start getting physical right away.

6. He just always agrees with everything you say.

You might think that it’s a good thing that he’s always just agreeing with everything that you say. But don’t be fooled. No two people are ever going to agree on everything in life. That is why if you notice him just agreeing with you all the time, you can know he’s being fake and he just wants something from you.

7. He doesn’t ask you serious questions about your life.

He doesn’t really ask you serious questions about your life. He’s always just keeping things light and casual. That means that he really isn’t interested in getting to know you. He’s not interested in exploring your personality more profoundly.

8. He doesn’t introduce you to his friends.

It should be really telling if he just doesn’t introduce you to his friends. That means that he doesn’t consider you important enough to actually be a permanent fixture in his life. He isn’t interested in integrating you within his social circle.

9. Foreplay is always really fast.

He always just rushes through foreplay. He wants to get to the point. He just wants what he really wants – sex.

10. Your instincts are telling you that something is really off.

And of course, you’re going to always have to listen to your gut whenever it’s trying to tell you that something is off. Your instincts are there to protect you. You have to make sure that you listen to them so that you don’t end up getting betrayed by your own feelings.

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