1,500 give all the relationship advice you’ll ever need
The relationship quotes given by 1500 men to educate all other men about successful relationships.
Hey, guess what? I got married two weeks ago. And like most people, I asked some of the older and wiser folks around me for a couple quick words of relationship advice from their own marriages to make sure my wife and I didn’t shit the (same) bed. I think most newlyweds do this — ask for relationship advice, I mean, not shit the same bed part — especially after a few cocktails from the open bar they just paid way too much money for.
But, of course, not being satisfied with just a few wise words, I had to take it a step further.
See, I have access to hundreds of thousands of smart, amazing people through my site. So why not consult them? Why not ask them for their best relationship/marriage advice? Why not synthesize all of their wisdom and experience into something straightforward and immediately applicable to any relationship, no matter who you are or how sick of his/her shit you are?
Why not crowdsource THE ULTIMATE RELATIONSHIP GUIDE TO END ALL RELATIONSHIP GUIDES™ from the sea of smart and savvy partners and lovers here?
So, that’s what I did. I sent out the call the week before my wedding: anyone who has been married for 10+ years and is still happy in their relationship, what lessons would you pass down to others if you could? What is working for you and your partner? And if you are divorced, what didn’t work previously?
The response was overwhelming. Almost 1,500 people replied, many of whom sent in responses measured in pages, not paragraphs. It took almost two weeks to comb through them all, but I did. And what I found stunned me…
They were incredibly repetitive.
That’s not an insult or anything. Actually, it’s kind of the opposite. Not to mention, a relief. These were all smart and well-spoken people from all walks of life, from all around the world, all with their own histories, tragedies, mistakes and triumphs…
And yet they were all saying pretty much the same dozen things.
Which means that those dozen or so things must be pretty damn important… and more importantly, they work.
Here’s what they are.
1. BE TOGETHER FOR THE RIGHT REASONS
“Don’t ever be with someone because someone else pressured you to. I got married the first time because I was raised Catholic and that’s what you were supposed to do. Wrong. I got married the second time because I was miserable and lonely and thought having a loving wife would fix everything for me. Also wrong. Took me three tries to figure out what should have been obvious from the beginning, the only reason you should ever be with the person you’re with is because you simply love being around them. It really is that simple.”
Before we even get into what you should do in your relationship, let’s start with what not to do.
When I sent out my request to readers for advice, I added a caveat that turned out to be illuminating. I asked people who were on their second or third (or fourth) marriages what they did wrong. Where did they mess up?
By far, the most common answer was “being with the person for the wrong reasons.”
Some of these wrong reasons included:
- Pressure from friends and family.
- Feeling like a “loser” because they were single and settling for the first person that came along
- Being together for image — because the relationship looked good on paper (or in photos), not because the two people actually admired each other.
- Being young and naive and hopelessly in love and thinking that love would solve everything.
As we’ll see throughout the rest of this article, everything that makes a relationship “work” (and by work, I mean that it is happy and sustainable for both people involved) requires a genuine, deep-level admiration for each other. Without that mutual admiration, everything else will unravel.
The other “wrong” reason to enter into a relationship is, like Greg said, to “fix” yourself. This desire to use the love of someone else to soothe your own emotional problems inevitably leads to co-dependence, an unhealthy and damaging dynamic between two people where they tacitly agree to use each other’s love as a distraction from their own self-loathing. We’ll get more into co-dependence later in this article, but for now, it’s useful to point out that love, itself, is neutral. It is something that can be both healthy or unhealthy, helpful or harmful, depending on why and how you love someone else and are loved by someone else. By itself, love is never enough to sustain a relationship.
6 Signs You Shouldn’t Text Him and 4 Signs You Should
Undoubtedly, texting someone you like is a skill that you’re going to have to develop if you want to find success in your relationships. After all, we already live in a cyber-world. And it’s essential that we can build our skills in communication if we want to find romantic success on these new virtual platforms. Undoubtedly, part of mastering that skill means knowing when you should or when you shouldn’t be texting someone that you like.
Yes, you should show a willingness to engage in text conversations with someone you’re interested in. However, just because you would doesn’t mean that you should. You still need to stay mindful of what this person might feel about you. You don’t want to be wasting your valuable texts on someone who doesn’t seem to be all that into you. Additionally, you want to be checking your state of mind, as well. You might not be in the right mind-set to be texting anyone that you are romantically interested in.
Here are a few signs that you should and shouldn’t be texting someone that you like:
1. Don’t text: He hasn’t replied to your texts consistently.
If he doesn’t make a genuine effort to reply to your texts consistently, then don’t text him. He’s just treating you like someone he can turn to whenever it’s convenient for him. However, he doesn’t want anything real or consistent with you.
2. Text him: He initiated the conversation the last time.
If he’s a guy who initiates conversations with you a lot, then you should be willing to do the same for him. After all, a give and take dynamic is always going to be healthy. Otherwise, he might come to think that you’re not into him, and that’s why you never initiate. Consequentially, he might stop beginning with you too.
3. Don’t text: He hasn’t replied to your goodnight text.
If he hasn’t replied to your goodnight text, then stop texting him for that night. You’ve already told him that you’re going to sleep. It would be pathetic for you to follow up on a text with him. Also, he may be already asleep himself. The next book can wait until tomorrow morning.
4. Text him: He asked you out on a date.
It’s okay to text him if he’s asked you out on a date. Perhaps, you can text him to ask about the specifics of the date like where you’re meeting and what time you should get ready. Hashing out details like this is okay through text messages.
5. Don’t text: You’re drunk.
Drunk texts are just a big no-no. Don’t do it.
6. Text him: He likes and comments on your social media a lot.
If you see that he’s consistently commenting on your social media posts, it’s a sign. Go ahead and send him that text message. His persistence on social media is a definite signal for you to message him. After all, social media communication is also valid these days.
7. Don’t text: He doesn’t engage in deep text conversations with you.
If he’s just continually giving you one-word answers and responses, perhaps he’s not that interested in you. Try to look for a guy who only expresses sincere enthusiasm whenever the two of you are conversing. Otherwise, it just wouldn’t be worth it. A bulk of the pressure during conversations lies on you.
8. Don’t text: You feel forced to follow up just because…
Sometimes, your friends can tell you that someone is great, and you need to be texting him all of the time. Other times, you might feel pressured to text a guy just because you are desperate to be in a relationship. However, these are all the wrong motivations. The only reason you should ever text a guy is if you’re genuinely interested in him.
9. Text him: You have something you want to get off your chest.
Text him if you have something that you want to get off your chest. After all, if you don’t, it might just continue to eat away at your insides. And you don’t want that. Sometimes, a girl needs closure. And if you feel like the only way to get closure is if you text him, then go ahead.
10: Don’t text: He’s ghosting you.
He’s ghosting you. If he isn’t replying to you, then you shouldn’t be giving him the satisfaction of texting him all of the time. Know your worth. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, it just isn’t going to work out the way that you want it to. And you have to be okay with that.
Why Texting In Relationships Is More Complex Than You Think – Scientists Explain
Make no mistake about it, texting is definitely one of the most popular ways in which people keep in touch these days. However, not too many people understand the science behind texting in relationships and romance. And that’s exactly what this article is going to touch upon.
A study in the journal Computers in Human Behaviour recently indicated that a perceived sense of similarity and chemistry in texting styles was linked to overall relationship satisfaction. Among 205 young adult Americans who were recruited to participate in the survey, more people confirmed that they felt more comfortable about the state of the relationship when they had partners who had symmetrical rhythms of texting.
Texting is so prevalent in today’s society regardless of the nature of the relationship between two people who are texting one another. According to recent statistics, almost 80 billion messages are sent via WhatsApp and SMS alone. There’s a certain intimacy that comes with texting even though it’s designed for people who are physically distant to be able to communicate.
And texting has definitely revolutionized the world of dating. People are now able to communicate and get closer to one another without necessarily having to be within proximity of each other. However, texting does bring about a lot of limitations such as being unable to read another person’s body language and tone of voice.
Scientists confirm that human beings are always sizing up one another when it comes to behaviour and mannerisms – and texting actually serves as one of those primary forms of behaviour when people are deliberating on early relationships. This is a sentiment that is echoed by Katherine Hertlein, a famed psychologist at the University of Nevada in Las Vegas. “Did they respond, did they not? How many texts? Did they check in?” says Hertlein, who is also a practicing couples’ therapist. “Once that dance has gotten started if you slow down to a pace where you’re comfortable, that change is going to be interpreted as a lack of interest,” she says in an Interview.
But if the dance actually speeds up, then that would arouse another series of questions as well: “Is this person all of a sudden interested,” she asks, or are they becoming a little too controlling. “You have to make sure that whatever cadence you start with is a cadence that you can be comfortable with and that feels authentic for you at the moment,” she advises.
One of the true beauties – and burdens – of technology is that it allows for what scientists call “social presence,” or a feeling of intimacy in spite of the distance. The key to forming this intimacy is immediacy, according to Hertlein. That’s why it’s so easy to become upset at a partner who doesn’t reply to a message in a prompt manner. “You’re supposed to be immediate, and now you have a device that makes you so,” she explains the reasoning of the hurt party. “Couples have problems when a partner doesn’t respond because you have now violated the contract in the relationship.”
There is a perfectly good reason as to why we might treat our text messages the same way we would treat our relationships in general. This belief is based on the attachment theory which was drawn out by Leora Trub from the Digital Media and Psychology Lab at Pace University.
The attachment theory posits that people learn how to love from the people who take care of them at an early age – in most cases, parents. If a mother is dismissive of the emotions of a child, it’s likely that that child would grow to become disconnected from their own feelings as an adult. And that is called avoidant attachment.
If a child is constantly in need of a mother’s care and presence, then that is called anxious attachment – meaning that they will always want to be within proximity of their mothers… and in the future, their potential partners as well.
Studies have shown that attachment theory can also apply to how we treat our phones and our text messages.
Based on a study in 2015, 70% of smartphone users believed that their phones offered them a sense of freedom while the other 30% believed that it felt more like a leash. And there is a direct correlation between how people see their cell phones and how they view their relationships. Studies have found that people who felt like they were being shackled by their phones were also being shackled by their relationships.
So, experts have postulated that perhaps people aren’t necessarily attached to their smartphones; but rather, they are attached to the people who are connected to them via their smartphones. And as attachment theory posits, that attachment isn’t necessarily going to be a healthy one. There is a lot to be said about the strength of a relationship with how two people communicate with one another through text.
10 Texts To Send A Man To Make Him Drool Over You
It’s not even a question of just getting him to be interested in you anymore. It’s also about making sure that you make him salivate over you. You want a guy to lust after you. You want him to long for your touch and your attention. And that’s something that is easier said than done… or is it?
In this age of information. A lot of things can be accomplished over the phone – even romance. And you should never shy away from using texting as a way of getting your man to just completely lose his mind over you. You always want to be with a guy who is desperate to be with you. You want a man who is always going to want to think about you even when you’re not together. And you can do that by knowing what to text him.
The dynamics of flirting change significantly whenever you’re doing it in person and whenever you’re doing it through texts. When you’re flirting with someone right to their face, you get the advantage of proximity. They are able to both see and touch you – and that makes it easy for you to read off their energy.
But text messaging is a lot more nuanced. And if you play your cards right, the challenge doesn’t have to be so significant for you to overcome. Yes, it’s true that men are visual creatures. And it would be a lot easier for you to flirt with them if they’re standing right in front of you. However, it can also be very easy to become scared and flustered whenever you are face-to-face with each other. After all, no one wants to be saying the wrong thing while flirting. That can be embarrassing.
You probably have one or two stories to share about making a fool of yourself while flirting with someone. That happens to everyone. Don’t worry about that. You can use those experiences as opportunities to learn and grow to better your technique.
Before we delve deeper into the examples of texts that you could send a guy to make him hot for you, we have to first establish a few tips that you need to learn about flirting with a man through text:
- Don’t get sexy too quickly. Be casual about it first. If you’re the one who is sending the initial text, you want to keep things light and simple. Don’t get hot and heavy right away. You will want to ease into it so that you don’t come off as overly aggressive or even desperate.
- Only ever do it when you feel like it. If you’re not being sincere or genuine about it, he’s going to be able to tell. Yes, he can tell even if it’s through text that you’re just faking it. Only ever really flirt with him when you’re in the mood to do so. Your heart has to be in the right place for you to do it effectively.
- Don’t go overboard with the pictures. Sure, the incorporation of pictures in your flirting can really spice things up a little bit with your text conversations. It can break the monotony in your messaging. But you don’t want to be too provocative to the point that you look desperate and overeager either. Be flirty but still try your best to keep it classy.
- Flirting through text doesn’t mean that you should give him sex. Yes, although the intention is for you to want him to lust after you, that doesn’t mean that he is entitled to you having sex with him right away. You still want to take your time. You still want to make him work for your love and affection. You should only have sex with him if you feel like you’re ready to.
So, without much further ado, here are a few things that you could text your man to really turn him on to the idea of being with you.
- I can’t seem to focus at work right now, I can’t stop thinking about what I’m going to do to you tonight.
- I just finished my yoga class and I learned this new pose that’s going to help me become ultra-flexible.
- I just saw that photo you posted on Instagram. And your arms are looking really big. I want to be cuddled by them right now.
- I’ve been thinking about you all day long and I’m not afraid to admit it.
- If you had the chance to do anything with me for one night, what would it be?
- I’ve been having some really naughty thoughts about you lately. I think I need to be punished for it.
- I got a new toy for the two of us that’s waiting in my bedroom.
- I want you to make love to me.