Hey, guess what? I got married two weeks ago. And like most people, I asked some of the older and wiser folks around me for a couple quick words of relationship advice from their own marriages to make sure my wife and I didn’t shit the (same) bed. I think most newlyweds do this — ask for relationship advice, I mean, not shit the same bed part — especially after a few cocktails from the open bar they just paid way too much money for.

But, of course, not being satisfied with just a few wise words, I had to take it a step further.

See, I have access to hundreds of thousands of smart, amazing people through my site. So why not consult them? Why not ask them for their best relationship/marriage advice? Why not synthesize all of their wisdom and experience into something straightforward and immediately applicable to any relationship, no matter who you are or how sick of his/her shit you are?

Why not crowdsource THE ULTIMATE RELATIONSHIP GUIDE TO END ALL RELATIONSHIP GUIDES™ from the sea of smart and savvy partners and lovers here?

So, that’s what I did. I sent out the call the week before my wedding: anyone who has been married for 10+ years and is still happy in their relationship, what lessons would you pass down to others if you could? What is working for you and your partner? And if you are divorced, what didn’t work previously?

The response was overwhelming. Almost 1,500 people replied, many of whom sent in responses measured in pages, not paragraphs. It took almost two weeks to comb through them all, but I did. And what I found stunned me…

They were incredibly repetitive.

That’s not an insult or anything. Actually, it’s kind of the opposite. Not to mention, a relief. These were all smart and well-spoken people from all walks of life, from all around the world, all with their own histories, tragedies, mistakes and triumphs…

And yet they were all saying pretty much the same dozen things.

Which means that those dozen or so things must be pretty damn important… and more importantly, they work.

Here’s what they are.

1. BE TOGETHER FOR THE RIGHT REASONS

“Don’t ever be with someone because someone else pressured you to. I got married the first time because I was raised Catholic and that’s what you were supposed to do. Wrong. I got married the second time because I was miserable and lonely and thought having a loving wife would fix everything for me. Also wrong. Took me three tries to figure out what should have been obvious from the beginning, the only reason you should ever be with the person you’re with is because you simply love being around them. It really is that simple.”

– Greg

Before we even get into what you should do in your relationship, let’s start with what not to do.

When I sent out my request to readers for advice, I added a caveat that turned out to be illuminating. I asked people who were on their second or third (or fourth) marriages what they did wrong. Where did they mess up?

By far, the most common answer was “being with the person for the wrong reasons.”

Some of these wrong reasons included:

• Pressure from friends and family.
• Feeling like a “loser” because they were single and settling for the first person that came along
• Being together for image — because the relationship looked good on paper (or in photos), not because the two people actually admired each other.
• Being young and naive and hopelessly in love and thinking that love would solve everything.

As we’ll see throughout the rest of this article, everything that makes a relationship “work” (and by work, I mean that it is happy and sustainable for both people involved) requires a genuine, deep-level admiration for each other. Without that mutual admiration, everything else will unravel.

The other “wrong” reason to enter into a relationship is, like Greg said, to “fix” yourself. This desire to use the love of someone else to soothe your own emotional problems inevitably leads to co-dependence, an unhealthy and damaging dynamic between two people where they tacitly agree to use each other’s love as a distraction from their own self-loathing. We’ll get more into co-dependence later in this article, but for now, it’s useful to point out that love, itself, is neutral. It is something that can be both healthy or unhealthy, helpful or harmful, depending on why and how you love someone else and are loved by someone else. By itself, love is never enough to sustain a relationship.

1. There are lots of people who can call you by your name but there is only one person who can make it sound so special. – Kim Jarabelo

2. Love is a two-way street constantly under construction. – Carroll Bryant

3. Love: Two minds without a single thought. – Philip Barry

4. You’re my reflection, all I see is you. – Justin Timberlake

5. If I lost you I would cry, oh how I love you baby. – Ike and Tina Turner

6. Without you I would be so lost.

7. You are the compass that guides me in life.

8. We balance each other out so perfectly.

9. You have made me the man / woman that I am today.

10. Each contact with human being is so rare, so precious. One should reserve it.

“CUTE RELATIONSHIP QUOTES FOR COUPLES”

11. Through both the tears and the laughter, we are stronger than ever before.

12. I can’t wait to see where else our love will lead us.

13. You are even better than a knight in shining armor because you are real and I know that you were made just for me.

14. I am a better person because of you. You help me be the best person that I can be and you always encourage me to reach my full potential.

15. You are my rock, my home, and my everything.

16. I can’t wait to tell our love story to our children and our grandchildren one day.

17. You make me see the world in brighter colors when all I used to see before was dull shades of gray.

Relationships are like the tides: they ebb and flow. And when that tide is high, it’s utter bliss—every moment is filled with smiles and laughter and tenderness. But if that tide starts to flow back out? Well, in those moments, you could probably use some much-needed inspiration—pearls of wisdom that will re-light the embers from some of the smartest people on the planet. That’s why we’ve compiled these 50 nuggets of truth—some harsh, many heartwarming—that are guaranteed to get your heart all aflutter once again.

“INSPIRATIONAL PICK-ME-UPS FOR ANY COUPLE WHICH SHOULD NEVER BE TAKEN FOR GRANTED.”

2 : “True love stories never have endings.”

3: “Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.”

4: “The best thing to hold onto in life is each other.”

5: “You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”

6: “The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart.”

7: “Love always cures people – both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it.”

8: “When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”

9: “True love is not a hide and seek game: in true love, both lovers seek each other.”

10: “The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in.”